It took me a long time to finally see the first Michael Bay produced Turtles film. From its inception I had heard of all the troubles with its production. Storylines changing due to script leaks on the internet that led to Fan outrage being some of the biggest problems. So when it finally came out on the heels of Guardians of the Galaxy it was not top priority for me especially with some of the questionable casting within the film for these beloved characters. I eventually saw it on Netflix and it was one of the worst renditions of the Turtles I had ever seen with plot lines going eight different ways with no conclusions for more than half of them that fizzled out into an incoherent mess. Directing this was Battle LA director Jonathon Liebesman whom I had enjoyed his prior action sci-fi film as popcorn fun, but this film seemed like there was little to no direction in any department. Of course immediately a sequel was greenlit as overseas sales were very good and we waited with baited breath to see what would happen in this sequel. We had the same writing duo of Josh Applebaum and Andre Nemec from the first film minus the third accredited writer Evan Daugherty and in the directing chair we got Earth to Echo's Dave Green. While the writers had mostly done television work they also brought us Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol and Dave Green's Earth to Echo was a decently well received family film so I did have higher hopes for this film with the idea that we would be getting a more singular vision on the screen. We get Bebop, Rocksteady, Krang, Casey Jones and a Shredder that isn't just a giant transformer making this film very hardcore fan service, which it completely is. It's a giant hour and 52 minute live action 80's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Episode. That's not necessarily bad yet not necessarily good.
It's been a year since the deadly events of the first film as the Turtles have grudgingly gotten used to hiding in the shadows while April O'Neil's former camera man Vernon Fenwick takes all the credit for taking out New York's most notorious villain the Shredder. Of course this nags at the turtles a bit as they would like to do normal things and be appreciated for their work but they must never be seen or acknowledged. Under police escort the Shredder is being transported along with two criminals named Bebop and Rocksteady, their police escort is a young cadet named Casey Jones who plans on moving them without any problems. The turtles of course keep a close eye on the move with the help of April who is undercover tagging renowned scientist Baxter Stockman as he is suspected of being an accomplice of the Shredder. In an epic chase between the Turtles, NYPD and Stockman, Bebop and Rocksteady escape as the Shredder is pulled away through a portal to another dimension.
In this other dimension Shredder meets Krang, who is an alien bent on taking over Earth with his Technodrome. Shredder strikes a deal with Krang to recover the machinery necessary to transport the parts of the Technodrome to Earth where they will rule together. Krang gives Shredder a formula which he uses with the help of Dr. Stockman to turn the criminals Bebop and Rocksteady into hulking monsters to combat the turtles, but the formula is discovered to have the capabilities to turn the turtles human as well. As the turtles struggle to keep their family together and stop the Shredder and Krang's evil plans they must also decide on if they would like to lead a normal life out of the shadows as turtles no more.
That is a lot to take in and even with the long runtime a lot of it isn't ever really explained. Much like a Saturday morning cartoon things just happen and you are expected to go with it. I honestly think this is a decent movie for kids, take out a few swears here and there and subtract a gratuitous body shot of Megan Fox and you're kid movie friendly. It starts and never really stops, there's maybe two or three moments where I was completely bored, but the biggest thing hurting this film besides the lack of explanation on these characters is the horrendous dialogue. Granted the 80s cartoon didn't have the best dialogue ever, but some of the dialogue is so bad these actors at times are just painful to watch. Shredder looks like Shredder now but he just stands there looking ominous most of the time and doesn't really do anything. He has no action scenes in the film whatsoever other then when he escapes from police custody and that's just him running away. That's supposed to be our main protagonist, but he's bumped down to the level of Boba Fett. His lines aren't too bad but he barely talks. Then we have Brad Garrett voicing Krang. Brad Garrett while he is the brother on Everybody Loves Raymond has an amazing voice acting career giving us the definitive voice and character of the Main Man himself Lobo in the Superman Cartoon Series. Here he is so painful to listen to. Krang's voice I will admit was a bit annoying in the early cartoons but here we have this huge hulking monstrosity that looks horrifying and could scare the crap out of anybody who came face to face with him. Then he opens his mouth. He is not menacing, he has jokes about himself that fall flat beyond belief and when he tries to sound menacing he stops and throws in a cartoony voice that seems like he's trying not to be too scary for the kids.
Where did Krang come from? We have no idea, he literally just appears maybe twenty minutes into the movie and makes a deal with Shredder and Shredder accepts as if he sees a giant alien monster every day. It's ridiculously done and gives no rhyme or reason to the film. However with Krang's help we finally get Bebop and Rocksteady! By the way they will not stop saying their names the entire time they are on screen. These characters are rather goofy losers in the cartoon from back in the day, but in the more recent comics even managed to kill one of the turtles. Here instead of trying to amp up these characters to a level of badass they could have been they decided to go the cartoon route. These two characters are what sold me on seeing this movie as they have never been tackled on film before but I was highly disappointed as they became the Jar Jar Binks of this movie. Their dialogue consists of saying their names and the catchphrase, "My man!" It's almost as if the studio couldn't afford these actors for too long and got them in for an ADR session where they had them say three lines and that's all they say in the whole movie. Tyler Perry's Baxter Stockman is annoyingly over the top as a mad scientist and that's all I'll say about that. 
For our heroes we are finally introduced to Casey Jones! Fan favorite and another big selling point on this film for a lot of Turtles fans! My biggest fear though, was that they would capitalize on Stephen Amell's Arrow character way too much and we would get a broody overtly serious Casey Jones. I will say Amell is probably my favorite actor in this movie as he is a pretty big smart ass along the lines of Casey Jones from the moment you meet him. When we first see him he is introduced as the man transporting Shredder out of the Police Precinct and he gives this look as if he is a hardened police officer but breaks it by cracking a joke about Shredder. It was just nice to see Casey in smart ass form. While he is my favorite actor in the movie that does not mean he is perfect. Amell does the best he can with the dialogue he is given but a lot of it falls flat due to bad cheesy writing. My fanboy problem with the character was we only got to see him with his signature hockey gear in one scene. We get a pretty decent end fight scene between him Bebop and Rocksteady but it is quickly ruined with the 500th, "My Man!" Megan Fox I still don't buy as April O'Neil and is thankfully not in the movie that much. Of course her biggest sequence is her in a horrible wig and a school girl uniform for everybody who needs eye candy. I love Will Arnett but even he can't make his dialogue funny in the scenes he's in as Fenwick. The Turtles themselves aren't too bad. Mikey is the talker Ralph is the tough guy, Donny runs tech and Leonardo is the broody leader who struggles to grasp his place with the turtles. It's a pretty cut and dry dynamic, but their relationships are believable. Mikey will get on your nerves every now and then but it's no more than in the cartoons and books. I never had a problem with the new looks of the turtles honestly I just thought one of the voices in the first movie was strange. Johnny Knoxville was the original voice of Leonardo in the first film which threw me off horribly before. Now it seems they let Pete Ploszek from Teen Wolf, who wore the mocap suit for Leonardo actually do the voice this time around and it fits much better. The best parts of the movie I think were their lair as it looks just like the comics and feels like a place that fits these guys personality perfectly. They unapologetically have every strange cartoony gadget on the Turtle Van such as giant robotic numb chucks and a gun that shoots sewer lids. It's ridiculously awesome what they let Donny create in this movie. Out of all the turtles Donny was probably my favorite one as he was the most like his character and most enjoyable. 
This film is visually great; the character looks are down perfectly albeit with a bit of dodgy CGI here and there. The action scenes are decently cool and are only ruined by intermediate dialogue that sounds like you are fighting a boss in a video game and he's throwing terrible one liners at you. If you can make it to the third act that's where you get an amazing action piece where the turtles finally confront Krang in an epic battle on the Technodrome. It's ridiculously crazy with Krang pulling out an arsenal to fight the turtles as they try and stop the construction of the Technodrome, it's the highlight of the whole film! Unfortunately that action piece ends and several characters and story arcs kind of just fizzle out into nothing and you are reminded how god awful the writing on this movie is. I feel like the writers really thought to just give the fans what they want, but the problem was they stuffed too much in here and banked on nostalgia from the 80's cartoon carrying the flow of the narrative and characters. There does seem to be legitimate love for that cartoon in the film but it doesn't translate well to the screen in a live action adaptation and leaves us with a nice looking film that has no substance. Three damn good New York Style Pizzas out of five for the animated end credits sequence that's possibly better than the rest of the film!
